The Chaplain’s Screed
Lots of news this month, my loves! The French are coming, and BORG is ready to supply us with plenty of tickets to make that happen! Not sure about all of you, but Burn Week always goes so fast for me. But when we meet up again on the Playa, it seems like the rest of the year flew by.
That’s because Burn Week and Default Time are on different scales. During Burn Week, we’re all together and in any 24-hour period, a million things could happen. How many times have you answered the question, “How’d things go yesterday?” over morning coffee at camp and you’re like, “Pretty and Perfect got married, I saw Buttface drink pee, Idiot got himself hit in the face, Twiggy broke three dudes’ hearts and, oh yeah, I impaled myself on rebar, but medical said I can stay on Playa as long as I don’t lift anything that over 40 pounds other than Jello”? We’re all together and we’re all sharing life at light speed.
Then we go back to our lives of spreadsheets, parenting, real estate deals, cooking, painting and all the other quotidian elements of “normal life.” These lives progress at a slower pace, but… since we see each other less, yet still hold one another in our hearts, it seems like we still fit in so much. People are giving birth to twins, planning art haus amateur porn, getting new jobs, having mid-life crises, leaving partners and meeting new ones… in short, all the things.
Well, this newsletter is going to reflect something in between Default and Burning Man life and so, so much has happened. So, it’s going to be a dense one. There’s big group news, Placement news and major ticketing news!
Group News
· The big news is that Burning My Crepe won’t be returning this year – Tatiana and Tristan have decided to improve this world with two new children due in May! Kelly’s will be coming back. So, we’re HUBSing with Kelly’s (and Cassidy will be camping with them again) and I’ve invited most of Burning My Crepe to join us.
· So far, it looks like Sam, Kim and Eric are in for sure. Some other folks are not sure yet.
· I know it’s still early but, whether you’ve spoken to me about coming or not, look out in the next week for a one-question survey. “Will you be joining The Assless Chapel on-Playa this year?” The possible answers will be:
o No;
o Maybe;
o Yes;
o Yes, and I agree to the agreements;
o Yes, and here are my travel plans.
· I spoke to Kayla the other day and she is still doing great and still as lovely as morning sun on a summer day.
· Jaque is dedicated to returning and will be bringing her friend Vitor. Vinette and Clayton are set to join us, too. Stupid will be coming back, but not for as long a time as the past couple of years.
· I will be in France from March 29th to April 11th. Peter and Peaches will be in Europe during that time and we plan to meet up. Burning My Crepe will be feting my arrival March 29th in Paris. Come party with us!
Wedding Planning
We need to make new wedding certificates. If you’ve got any ideas for next year’s wedding certificates, feel free to send them my way.
Other Camp Planning
I’m working on some changes to the website. Feel free to take the time to check it out. In fact, if you might be returning with us this year, you should be checking it out.
· To be part of The Assless Chapel, you must read and respond with your agreement to our Camp Agreements.
· To understand our camp and make sure you don’t end up being an asshole, you should read the newsletter, which is also available in redacted form online; make sure to read up on how we run the camp; and also read, watch or listen to the Red Folder.
· For extra credit, you can learn all about Burning Man weddings with my guide to Burning Man weddings.
Red Folder Stuff
For those who don’t know the term, the Red Folder is a white binder with important info focused on running a safe, low-drama, familial camp. Since it’s a lot of information, I’ve made different versions. You can read the documents, watch YouTube videos (the password is DustyAltar) or listen to the MP3 files (you’ve got a long drive to the Playa anyways…)
Black Rock City News and Acculturation
Congrats to Burning Man for weathering all the silly criticism and successfully raising $3M! Still haven’t donated? You can give right here. If you do give, feel free to say hi from The Assless Chapel.
Learn about 2025’s Temple of the Deep.
Burners without Borders’ quarterly newsletter is out.
Check out BORG’s requisite propaganda for the month, here and here.
Some new Burning Man podcast episodes are out:
o Burning Man Live (about the Temple of the Deep for 2025)
Placement / Ticket News
Placement News
We are officially in good standing! Despite a couple pieces of MOOP but bolstered by a couple of rave reviews from wedding attendees, BORG wants us back! Apparently, they were satisfied with the Statement of Intent I send in.
Here’s the upcoming Placement Timeline:
Early March: Stewards Sale allocation system opens for returning theme camps
Mid-March: 2025 Camp Symposium
March 27: Placed Camp Questionnaire for ALL theme camps.
March and April: Placement team reviews each questionnaire we receive
Early May: Camp Listings are live on Burningman.org
May: Placement team creates the map of Black Rock City
Mid-May: Placement announces theme camps selected for placement
June: Placement announces approximate locations and addresses of all placed camps
June: Tickets allocated to new theme camps
June: Setup Access Pass (SAP) numbers are finalized for theme camps
July: Placement team announces neighbors
July: Setup Access Passes emailed to placed theme camps
August 18: Placement begins on playa; camps arrive according to their SAP arrival date
August 24: Gate opens to the public @ 12:00am (midnight) — BRC begins!
August 30: The Man burns
August 31: The Temple burns
September 2: Camps must depart BRC and leave no trace!
Mid-September: Post-playa Report opens
October 23: Post-playa Report due through Burner Profiles
December: 2025 Camp Standings announced to placed theme camps
Ticketing News
I sent in our Statement of Intent really early and, surprisingly, they got back pretty quickly, instead of waiting for the SoI submission period to close. In fact, they want us back so much that they are allocating 12 tickets for The Assless Chapel this year! You may think this is just because of last year’s inability to sell all the tickets, but I’m not sure that’s the case.
In the past, they allocated us 3, then 4 and 4 tickets. This year, they were putting out the word they would reduce Steward’s Sale tickets allocations, so they could put more in Main Sale. I think they’re hoping that by making it easier to get Main Sale tickets, people can plan further in advance with more certainty and avoid camp dues/responsibilities, boosting ticket sales. So, it means something that they tripled our ticket allocations. Especially because they stated they would couple lower initial allocations with a public second release of Stewards’ Sale tickets (something they always did on the down low.) They wouldn’t be discouraging us with a low allocation. Instead, it looks to me like a sign of appreciation.
In addition, we should have access to Mona’s two tickets, too. When I ask you for your intentions regarding returning to Playa, please get back to me. I want to know how to strategize for Main Sale.
THIS JUST IN: I found out something new while writing this. Burning Man is doing an early sale a la Main Sale, called Today Sale, which will be followed by the Tomorrow Sale. Registration opens on February 3 and goes through February 11. If you know for sure that you’re coming let me know and I’ll let you know if I have a Stewards Sale ticket for you (this is pretty much first come first served.) If I tell you that I don’t, then register for the Today Sale, which will have easiest access to lower-priced tickets. See the calendar to the left.
If you have a hole burning in your pocket from an excess of cash, BORG has basically retooled FOMO tickets to be tax-deductible with their Patron of Black Rock City Program. Read all about BORG’s confusing new ticketing plan here.
Current Pre-Build, Build Week, Burn Week and Exodus Schedule
I went ahead and worked up a tentative schedule. You can see that build week will have moonless nights, based on the color-coding of the dates. Burn week won’t be very bright either.
Upcoming Tasks
Everyone:
o Let me know if you have any ideas for the Tomorrow Today wedding certificates.
o Respond to the upcoming email you get from me.
o Start going through all the stuff on the website.
TAC:
o Schedule decompression Zooms.
o Send out survey of camper intent.
o Keep cleaning and organizing camp gear.
Closing Thoughts
I started The Assless Chapel in honor and memory of my best friend, who I loved dearly. He planned a surprise Burning Man wedding for my wife and I a couple of weeks after we were married. Much of the feeling around The Assless Chapel, however, stemmed from heartbreak associated with a dead marriage and it has been so healing to get to be a part of others’ love. This role has caused me to think a great deal about love. Love takes many forms: friendship, parental love, romantic love, brotherly love, etc. It is infinite in its forms and its depth, and I get to experience all these different permutations of love at the Chapel.
In the Default World, my ponderings and understanding of love have broadened. I adopted a kitten I found hiding underneath a trash can, which is a new type of love relationship for me. And I’m dating again, which is thrilling and bewildering. But my love for The Assless Chapel is something different. I still haven’t formulated how to explain it, but it reminds me, in a literally perverted way, of a quote by some French king about one of his mistresses, when he described her as something along the lines of “la belle des savantes et la savante des belles” (the most beautiful of the scholars and the most scholarly of the beauties.” Thank you all for being part of The Assless Chapel, the most degenerate of the wondrous and the most wondrous of the degenerates. Love you all. Muah!
“Life is finite, so fill it with the infinite: love. Kiss slowly, sweetly, intensely. Love fully and open your heart completely. Make love not just with your body and words, but with the whole of your life. Give yourself to love and to your love completely: every bit of your body, your soul, your heart. Let yourself get hurt and know the tears you shed are the price of the infinite: love.”
The Man Burns in 208 days!
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